We hear a lot about the hoarding of physical things, but we don’t often consider hoarding in an emotional context. And rarely – if ever – do we consider its relationship to the Cross or Christ’s atonement for our sin nature. In many regards, we harbor a lot of emotional baggage that not only hinders us from living a refining life, but also metaphorically slaps away Christ’s outstretched and loving hand.
When I think about hoarding, I am immediately reminded of my grandparents. They were not hoarders in the sense that we have witness on sensationalized television. Rather, they grew up in the wake of the Great Depression. So, in addition to being thrifty, they were wise about their purchases. They grew a lot of their own produce, stocked shelves with can goods that were obtained at a good price and had four upright freezers in their basement – all stocked with an excess inventory of food. It’s one of many examples, but I suspect you get the point.
They were hoarding away supplies for a time of need, should one arise. On the other hand, I have witnessed many friends and family members who have hoarded emotions. Almost always, that emotional hoard has disastrous effects on every relationship in that person’s life. Friends stop engaging, family members keep their distance and that person is soon in a state of utter loneliness, fueling the resentment they already harbor. Worst of all, it strains their relationship with God to a point they feel as though God as cut them off.
Despite Emotional Hoarding, God Has Not Cut You Off
The Mayo Clinic defines hoarding as a disorder that displays “a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. A person with hoarding disorder experiences distress at the thought of getting rid of the items. Excessive accumulation of items, regardless of actual value, occurs.”
We do a lot of emotional hoarding, producing baggage that not only hinders us from pursuing a purposeful and refining life, but also metaphorically slaps away Christ’s outstretched and loving hand. Photo Credit: Drew Selby via Compfight cc
Hoarding affects approximately 700,000 to 1.4 million people in the United States and is considered a type of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It can be more about fear of throwing something away than collecting or saving – as was the case with my grandparents. But the mere idea of throwing something away brings anxiety. So they keep it to prevent those emotions from surfacing (Psych Central).
Perhaps most tragic about the disorder is the fact that few of the afflicted recognize hoarding as a problem. Emotional hoarders cling to old relationships and friendships and aren’t growing in their personal or spiritual walks. They perpetuate adolescent pastimes. They refuse to leave their past, being more committed to sorrow than to joy. In the absence of said sorrow, suffering and a victim mentality becomes a big part of their identity (Huffington Post). This is where friendships are strained and acquaintances begin to keep themselves at a distance.
Three reasons offered for the rationale are 1.) a desire to avoid pain, 2.) being stuck in a cycle, and 3.) a fear of change. We really don’t like to feel pain, so we shelter our emotions to block that pain. Soon, the behavior becomes a coping habit. Yet, the emotions keep festering, multiplying and eventually engulf us. Through this cycle, we grow addicted to sheltering our pain, setting for an environment of victim sentiment and general misery.
How to Rise Above Your Emotional Hoarding
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ~Ephesians 4:31
One common approach to overcoming hoarding in the physical sense is to categorize everything into three buckets; the Keep Pile, the Donate pile and the Throw Away Pile. In its simplest context, the idea is to identify what is worth keeping for yourself, what someone else might deem worthwhile and what is serves no worthwhile use to anyone.
This same approach can be used in combating emotional hoarding. But it’s more appropriate to go in reverse. First, identify emotions, thoughts, sentiments, etc. that serve only to produce discontent and destruction to yourself or those relationships around you. Then, take them to the Cross. Jesus spoke good news of forgiveness, redemption and reconciliation. So much did he do so that he gave his life and said to the world he would carry our sins.
Friends, I spent the vast majority of my life embroiled in shame for various reasons. I pushed that feeling so deep inside, I forgot it was there. But it manifests at the most stressful and intense moments. Something triggers it, and before you know it, you’re paralyzed. You fall into a spiral of despair that seems insurmountable.
That’s because it is a spiral that’s insurmountable. Alone at least.
Take your burdens, your shame, your worry, anxiety and grief… take EVERYTHING to Jesus.
God has not cut you off.
He was cut for you.
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