Are you Greater or Less than Your Mental Health?

I wanted to share an important message in light of Mental Health Awareness month.

It’s gonna be gritty and raw. And that is for good reason. You may know that I was brought up in a home where Mental UNhealth was prominent. At least partly because of that, I have spent my whole life feeling “less than”.

So, following high school, as I went to college and started out in my career, I sought to be a high achiever just to make myself feel adequate. If I am truly honest, I sought to even get to a little bit of “greater than”.

That worked to a certain extent. But life since that time has been marked with a lot of up and down mania. So I spent 2020 working on my mindset. And 2021 has been dedicated to working on my physical health.

Really, I have felt great and for a bit, I felt like I finally had it all together. You might even think that right now.

That’s the thing with appearances though; they’re deceptive.

Even Those that Have it all Together, Probably Don’t

For a bit, I fooled myself into thinking I had it all together. Good mental attitude, have lost 60 pounds, best annual labs I’ve had in years, belief that I have a secure future. All good, right?

Sure. But I started having new physical issues. Some dizziness, fatigue, labored breathing, blood pressure concerns. My doctor had me start monitoring my BP – which amplified these feelings!

So I did what everyone knows they shouldn’t do but they do anyway: I started self-diagnosing by consulting Google. Why do we do that, anyway? I believe it’s because we simply HAVE to have a label to things. It sets our minds and souls at ease.

For me, though, my supposed conditions ran the gamut from heart disease and cancer to depression and anxiety attack.

Those last two were baffling… how could I be depressed or have anxiety? EVERYTHING in my life is awesome.

When the Terror of Your Deepest Fears Consumes You

As corny and cliché as it may sound, I believe some answers came to me in a dream. You see, in this dream, I was being attacked by a shadowy figure or blob. As I fled, it attached itself to my back and sought to absorb me. I finally came to an awareness that I had the power to break free by turning myself around, facing it and removing its grasp on me.

Why would this dream have any significance? Well, here’s the truth folks: I’ve been haunted by fear of being “less than” my entire life. I have lived in fear that I would ultimately experience a nervous breakdown much like my mother did when I was young. So, when I started having these physical issues, one of the main symptoms was a feeling of being loaded up on speed with my body jittering like there was pure adrenaline constantly running through my veins.

Except, if I were to show you my hand, you’d see it was as steady as ever.

One thing of value I did find through Google, is that the term “nervous breakdown” isn’t even a generally accepted term or used among mental health professionals any longer. It’s pretty much been displaced by anxiety disorders and attacks. So, had that fateful moment I have feared my entire life finally come to fruition? Perhaps.

But I believe I have the power to overcome it. Not because I am “greater than”. But because there is an awareness and ability for me to take the time to call timeout. To focus on the things that I need to help me overcome breaking down. I can accept that I cannot conquer all things and I know that the powering through in the relentless pursuit will sustain only a path to self-destruction.

Getting to Greater Than “Less than”

So why do I share all of this? I know it’s a lot of raw truth and gritty reality. And I share it because I am hopeful that you hear the message and take heart. I want you to know that you are GREATER THAN LESS THAN.

Take some time to focus on your mental wellness.

You matter.

And remember those who are hurting. Or have an appearance that they have it all together – they may need you even more – because they probably don’t have it all together.

Love God, Love Your Self, Love Others.