Group and individual role labels – like leader, manager, coach, mentor, go-getter, team, type-A, etc. are frequent observations and studies for me. In my 20+ year career, and in college before that, this stood out to me as both peculiar and aspirational. Then, I eventually learned about and studied the concept of Servant Leadership, of which I am particularly fond. Interestingly, though, I’ve known more people wrongly believing themselves to be servant leaders than I have seen true servant leaders in action.
Of these labels, one that has come on strong in the last several years, is that of “coach.” Given my years of playing little league baseball, and being a sports spectator all of my life, I perhaps have a warped idea of what “coach” really means. In general, I always view “coach” as someone who calls the shots and then yells at you when you don’t follow through, or when you do follow through and it backfires.
Truth be told, the feeling of inferiority resulting from those harsh experiences is a big reason I quit playing baseball despite a love of the game. It’s also why I have generally rolled my eyes when someone tells me they are a “coach” of anything outside of sports.
So why the heck am I now calling myself a “coach”? I’ll tell you why in a moment. But first, a little insight into my brain…
Coaches Are Not Angry Shot Callers
Contrary to my little league experiences, the primary role of a coach is not to scream at people and/or make them feel less of themselves. It’s just the opposite. A quality coach should seek to understand where you are, help you vision the places you want to be, and then provide options for achieving.
Notice the wording of that sentence, because I crafted it very specifically.
First off, I specifically said a “quality” coach. There are a lot of non-quality coaches and it’s because they miss these next two points: 1.) understand where people are, and then 2.) help vision where they aim to be. Two very simple statements, but incredibly complex in application.
Coaches are too often poorly represented. So much so, that I can’t stand people who call themselves a coach. So here’s why I am becoming one.
To Understand Where People Are
Listen first. If you are listening, you are not speaking. You are not already planning out where they might go, nor are you considering how to get them there (because, if you are listening, there is no “there” there… yet). This means asking questions and understanding habits, likes, dislikes, experiences, capabilities, tendencies, drivers, etc. You have to get into their shoes. And you have to have that long sought after attribute of empathy (take a deep breath if you just got icky shivers).
To Understand Where People Aim to Go
Listen some more. That’s right, it’s not your time to talk yet. If you have done a quality job so far, you have a good understanding of the person and by now, you are probably starting to get a feel for what’s next. But this is SOOOO important… remember that you are not a shot caller. That’s right. This is the step where most “coaches” will say, okay, here’s the easy number of steps you got a take to achieve “fill in the blank.”
Bad coach! Bad!!!
Rather than imposing your desired will, you would better serve by finding out where they aim to go. Going back to my baseball background, this is like telling a player how to hit more home runs when they really are aiming to hit for average and on base percentage so they can utilize their speed to steal more bases and break Rickey Henderson’s immortal record. Congrats, your “coaching” just robbed the world of what might have been an all-time great.
How might you have known their goal? Yeah, that’s right; LISTEN and then, LISTEN SOME MORE.
Helping People Get to Where They Aim
Okay, now it’s your turn, Coach. You know where your person has been, is, and where they aim. This is your chance to help them feel that aim as a vision. One they can embrace and mentally refer back to as a source of motivation. Help them use that as both a mental guide map and a compass so they can establish forward momentum and know if they are on track. And if they aren’t, help them recalibrate. If they are, great! Is there a way to accelerate it?
This is also where you must have another elusive attribute: HUMILITY (and if you just said “well, I am already humble enough” – you aren’t). Why is humility so vital? Because you, super coach, have to realize you don’t have all the answers (see Philippians 2:3).
Sure, you are experienced. And sure, you have a lot of wisdom. Perhaps you’ve also accomplished much on your own. But no two paths are the same, and recognize that you may actually have to learn new “tricks” from other coaches – and even from those you coach – to help others.
The Difference Between a Manager and a Leader
In football, there is a “head coach” and that coach has several other specialized coaches. On the baseball side, though, there is a manager. And that manager employs a set of coaches. It is not to say that the manager is not himself (or perhaps one day, herself) a coach. But the manager has a role beyond that of coaching, to, by definition, manage things.
What does that mean? So glad you asked.
I have thought a lot about this over the years, and here’s the conclusion I have made. As individual coaches have worked with players to vision where they aim to be, and how they fit into the team, the manager is building a strategy. That manager is developing a vision for how the team will win by leveraging the player’s strengths and skills. The manager will be “in the game” and knowing when to make the right calls at the right times.
That sounds like a “leader” right?
Well, I say not so fast.
If that manager is dictating to coaches to make player A into X, he’s a manager, not a leader. In a corporate setting, if the “manager” is telling an employee to do X and get there by doing L, M, N, O, and P, they are a manager, not a leader.
What’s the difference? Well, in these scenarios, the manager has done a huge disservice to the team by casting the coaches/employees as task doers instead of creators (more on that in a minute).
Ideally, the manager has listened to the coaches (and listened some more). They really know and understand the team dynamics and capabilities. They also listen to the people being coached. Then they do what they can to craft a vision utilizing those strengths to best get to the destination. Then, they have the extra burden of managing those strengths to the situations and scenarios that will best mutually help the team achieve its goals.
Now, with all that said, here’s an easy way to answer the question of the difference between a manager and a leader:
If you work with someone to help them see and pursue a vision (sometimes called “the why” in our modern times – thank you Simon Sinek), you are likely to be a leader.
If you tell someone what you want and precisely HOW it must be done (imposing your will), you are a manager (I term it “task master” – though it’s more commonly called “micro-managing”).
Leadership and Mentorship Go Hand-in-Hand
Another common label that gets bandied about in many environments is the term “mentor”. I got my first formal experience with being mentored while in college. I was paired with a marketing professional who talked to me about my intended career path and counseled me on some of the initiatives I was responsible for while managing the campus radio station (RIP my beloved WEAX).
Truth be told, though, I have been mentored by hundreds, maybe even thousands, of people during my lifetime. I bet you have as well. There are people that, even if for a fleeting moment of time, took an interest in you, your future, and offered some unsolicited advice. Whether you took that advice or not was up to you.
Additionally, I have always been one to look in secret for role models. These folks are people I admire for one reason or another, or perhaps many reasons. I observe and I learn by mimicking and/or striving to be more like them in certain areas of their walks. They are leaders and mentors, and yes, coaches, whether they realized it or not.
You may know where I am going with this; that’s right, Jesus is the ultimate servant leader and role model. And even though he is not physically among us for us to observe, we DO have historical records through Scripture. What’s more, I firmly believe that through the work of the Holy Spirit, we are introduced to people with just the right attributes at the right time.
Don’t neglect to leverage those mentors who enter into your life!
Coaching – Done Properly – Creates Environments for Creating
So, are coaches considered to be mentors, managers, or leaders? The answer is yes. In many ways, a coach is all these things. But the manager role is probably the least consequential and the most disposable role of the bunch.
You see, a manager simply gets stuff done. I don’t mean to undermine the role, because there are many important functions of managers. But a manager is someone who will look at a checklist, see what needs done and assign duties (the least secure of them will also dictate precisely what the what and the how… leaving no room for their underlings to thrive as creators).
A mentor, on the other hand, is someone who imparts knowledge. Someone who takes seriously the role of guiding impressionable minds. A leader helps envision what can and shall be, and uses their skills and abilities to provoke environments for others (not the leader him or herself) to be the creators. They motivate, cheerlead, challenge, and make damn sure those in their sphere are valued and appreciated.
He or she sees someone who is stuck where they are and is not navigating toward their desired futures. Possibly, those people are not yet even able to see that desired future.
A coach, as a servant leader, assumes nothing other than the responsibility for helping others move forward.
So Why am I Getting into Coaching?
You yourselves are our witnesses—and so is God—that we were devout and honest and faultless toward all of you believers. And you know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. We pleaded with you, encouraged you, and urged you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy. For he called you to share in his Kingdom and glory. – 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12 NLT
Truth being told, I had planned on writing this post for years, but not in the way this has taken shape. I had planned to title it, “I am no Leader, Guru, or Coach – But I’m Here to Listen and to Help”. The gist of the plan sought to convey that we all have talents and resources, but just some have a gift to actively listen, authentically care, and (most importantly) selflessly and passionately encourage.
I love the first few episodes of the medical drama, New Amsterdam, where Dr. Max Goodwin routinely stops whatever he is doing and asks simply, how can I help?
This simple question says it all
It isn’t just about “what can I do for you?” No, it is a commitment to find out what a hurting soul needs and then offer whatever they can OF THEMSELVES. To help that person get onto a better path.
I like that. I am excited by that. And after experiencing a life transforming uplift, my wife, Jennifer and I feel obligated to pay it forward. So, we recently became wellness coaches to pass on that wonderful gift that has been provided to us.
So, if you are looking for a way to improve your life through achieving a healthy weight and developing positive habits to support a lifetime of better wellness, state of mind, and financial being, I have just one question:
How can we help?
Learn more and connect with us here.