I slept on the downstairs couch despite having a full-size bed and a room of my own almost directly above where I slept until high school. Why is that, you ask? It’s because that’s where the television was located.
But, before you start thinking all those thoughts that inevitably point to TV rotting the brains of our youth, let me explain my side of the story.
I really don’t know when, but I began sleeping on the couch at some point in my young life. Soon, it was routine to lie on the couch with a pillow and a blanket or two as I watched reruns of the most popular programs of my parent’s generation. Yes, thanks to the early Nick at Nite programming, I was the only kid my age who could recite lines from Mister Ed, the Donna Reed Show, My Three Sons, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Dennis the Menace, Car 54, old school SNL and SCTV.
In retrospect, I sometimes wonder if this is the reason why I have a worldview more consistent with my grandparent’s generation than my own. Those shows no doubt had an impact on my formative years, though that is far from the reason I slept near to the television on a nightly basis. The real reason had more to do with who I already was and is something I didn’t figure out until much later in life.
The nights that I DID try to sleep in my bed in my room, I would find myself very much awake and staring at the darkness. My mind raced in a bazillion directions and I would ponder everything from my choice of food that day to the clothes I would wear tomorrow to silly things like what the best color for a boy’s bicycle might be (which is royal blue in case you’re curious – it’s not too dark, nor is it too bright – plus it’s a darn cool color).
Much, much later in life, I came to learn that my mind is a processing mind. It tends to keep going unless something shuts it off. It’s sort of like a computer that has too many programs open at once and gets locked up when something goes awry. Television was my CTL+ALT+DELETE way of circumventing an always wondering and wandering mind. The noise in the room kept my mind from opening too many processing tracts and allowed me to get (at least) some sleep.
Knowledge from Wonder and Wander
While Spending Time in Prayer with God, Allow Your Mind to Both Wonder and Wander. Photo Credit: suzienewshoes via Compfight cc
If you were to search online for the topic of “wandering” in a Biblical sense, you’d mostly find examples that point to the pitfalls of wandering. For example, James Macdonald relays an example of “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing” writer, Robert Robinson’s persistent wandering after composing it. Melanie Dorsey has this honest take on wandering minds during worship. And of course, we all have probably heard the references to wandering hearts or the analogy of us being the wandering sheep of Jesus’s flock.
I don’t disagree with those examples and premises. In fact, I relate with them all.
I think wandering has gotten a bum rap – here’s why… [feel free to tweet that!]
As children, we are inquisitive. Every experience is a NEW experience and we form opinions and belief systems based upon what we learn. That is genuine HANDS ON learning that can’t be found in any book, nor can it be gleamed from millions of YouTube videos.
To help explain what I mean, indulge me as I share an example from one of my favorite books, Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture
. This book includes a framed narrative about a man who locks himself in a library with all his favorite books and maps and learning stuff. He also has his dog. Years go by, but at some point, the dog bites the man and life isn’t as grand as it once was. He leaves his fortress of personal wisdom learning. Yet, once he got outside, he realized he has absolutely no way of interacting with the world – DESPITE KNOWING MORE THAN ANYONE!
Fear of the lord is beginning of wisdom & knowledge
The idea that fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom is a topic I’ve been digging more deeply into as I have led a study of Ecclesiastes. This phrase is peculiar because of the word “fear” when we’re so often told to “love” the lord and “honor” the lord. Fear shouldn’t be taken to mean cower and avoid. Rather, it should be taken as respect, honor and be reverent toward the lord because of his power, his might, his awesome wonder and – most importantly – his supreme authority.
Going back to a childhood analogy, consider the honey bee. They look kind of cute and fuzzy. But the first time you try to pet it, you learn to respect that bee! AND, you will have been the wiser for acknowledging it.
Without wonder, you cannot fathom fear
Yes, you could read about a bee’s sting. But there is no textbook for personal experience. Until you’ve experienced it from your wonder and wandering, do you really respect it? Without a desire to wander, you are left only to wonder. The two must be done in tandem.
Speaking of wondering, I bet you are beginning to wonder why I started this post with a story about my peculiar adolescent sleeping habits. Before I tie it up, consider this wonderful passage from the book of Proverbs:
To know wisdom and instruction,
to understand words of insight,
to receive instruction in wise dealing,
in righteousness, justice, and equity;
to give prudence to the simple,
knowledge and discretion to the youth—
Let the wise hear and increase in learning,
and the one who understands obtain guidance,
to understand a proverb and a saying,
the words of the wise and their riddles.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.~ Proverbs 1:1-6
Brothers and sisters, we are constant works in progress. Our secular wold would call this “being a lifetime learner” but it amounts to the same thing. Never stop growing, expanding your mind and maturing. Nowhere is this more necessary than with your spiritual life!
It took me a lifetime to figure out why I slept on my couch all those years. Why I needed a television to rest my always processing – aka, wandering – mind. I eventually moved back into my bedroom, but it was born more of shame than it was of desire or solving the never-ending trivial trail that ran through in my head on a nightly basis. I felt like I was an outcast. A misfit. NOT NORMAL. It was one of many circumstances that literally sucked all sense of self-esteem from my soul.
I would lie awake in my bed, sometimes four to six hours at a time. I planned my life many times over and re-wrote many of my past days with more clarity of mind. Sadly though, God was rarely on in mind. All I wanted was to get to sleep – and the pressure was maddening.
Years later, through different techniques, discipline and – yes a wee bit of medication – I have been able to tame the beast. I’ve finally achieved some rest – though I was well into my thirties before it was achieved.
Wisdom arose from this sleepless experience
Had I not experienced this sort of thing in my own life, I would not have been able to recognize my oldest daughter displaying the same habits. After she reached five or six years of age, I came to realize she is wired exactly the same way. She rarely slept through the night during those formative years.
Not only did it prompt worry on her parent’s behalf, it created a great deal of stress and anxiety for her parents, not to mention the gobs and gobs of sleep deprivation she endured.
Recognizing these signs, I have been able to introduce a lot of the same breathing techniques and bedtime routines that finally brought her rest. The bags under her eyes have faded, her attitude improved and she continues to excel academically while actively participating in many extra curricular activities without shame of apprehension – something I never would have done.
Not a day goes by where I don’t thank God for wandering and wonder. The wisdom gained has provided my children with an inheritance of knowledge and encouragement they deserve so they can be confident in experiencing the world that God created for them to enjoy as they serve him.