Personal Discipline is a misunderstood concept in many circles. I think it’s because we are quick to relate the word “discipline” to physical or mental abuse. That’s unfortunate. It’s unfortunate because personal discipline in many matters is one of the most missing components in many lifestyles.
The lack of personal discipline leads to money troubles, broken homes, obesity, health problems, traffic accidents, and so much more. I also know first-hand that it’s a destructive force in personal relationships. This is especially true when you’re productivity minded, insecure, and not really a people person.
This is the sort of thinking that came to mind as I studied the fifteenth resolution of Jonathan Edwards.
Jonathan Edwards Resolution 15
Edwards’ Resolution #15 (as it was written)
Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger to irrational beings.Edwards’ Resolution #15 (in my modernized language)
Resolved: Never to express emotions of anger toward what I find to be irrational people.
The Lacking Discipline of Scorpion’s Walter O’Brien
My wife and I enjoy watching the television show, Scorpion. It’s a show loosely based upon the real-life Walter O’Brien about a pack of misfit geniuses. Despite each of the geniuses having incredibly huge character flaws (one is a gambling addict, one has extreme abandonment issues, one is scared of darn-near everything, etc.), they somehow band together to save the world week in and week out. Oddly, though, they always seem to be strapped for cash.
Walter’s chief character flaw is his inability to emotionally connect with others. I can relate. The narrative over the show’s seasons has Walter struggling to constantly adapt as viewers witness his many lessons learned. I can relate to that, too. As he began this journey to emotional intelligence, he was often told, “Walter, you can’t just do that.”
His typical response was a simple, “Why not? It’s the most efficient.”
Makes perfect sense to me.
In a similar way, Walter would often state an observation of fact. However, while many of those facts are relevant to Walter, they tend to sometimes be insulting to the subjects of such observations. For instance, Walter my say “You’re mildly obese,” to which that person might take offense. In Walter’s mind, though, he might be trying to have a discussion of how he thinks the person has a higher chance of heart attack and should begin efforts for better wellness.
He’s just trying to help. But people dislike his approach.
I can relate.
The Personal Discipline of Emotional Intelligence
There’s a lot of personal discipline that goes into personal relationships when you’re productivity minded, insecure, and not really a people person. Like Walter from the TV show, Scorpion, I know the hardships of EQ as well as the need for patience and wisdom in nurturing it.
When I first heard about Emotional Intelligence back in the early 2000s, I categorized it as pure hogwash. In my mind, it was just another creation of some snake oil salesman to profit from. It would not be long, I thought, until the fad has passed and we’d be onto the next big thing.
Turns out, it never went away. Years went on, and the EQ train kept plugging right along. Frankly, it frustrated me.
I was frustrated for two reasons. First, I was wrong about a prediction. Selfish of me, yes, but it was true. The second reason, though, had to do with the fact that I wanted it to be bogus.
Growing up, I was a pretty emotional soul. Friends would egg me on just to make me cry and tell me it was to “toughen you up.” So I toughened up. I thickened my skin, swallowed my pride and took it in stride. Then, instead of crying, I caved into anger and burst out in rage.
Unfortunately for me, my friends found that even more amusing.
I took a lot from that conditioning into adulthood. For me, there was never a fight or flight. It was all fury – most often as a defense. Deep inside, though, I was incredibly insecure.
That insecurity took decades to understand and admit. Even then, it took me even longer to finally have the personal discipline to realize I needed to work on my emotional intelligence.
The Personal Discipline of Patience and Wisdom
Nobody will ever mistakenly call me an EQ genius. However, I am leaps and bounds past my starting line. I’m still insecure. I still have a natural compulsion to defend my opinions and actions.
For this reason, I like to draw on this passage from James. Let’s explore that a bit in detail:
- QUICK TO HEAR: Don’t assume you know everything (also see Ecclesiastes 5:1-2). Just like Walter does in the show, we miss a lot of vital truths when we do.
- SLOW TO SPEAK: Speaking – especially when you do so with the intention of a matter of fact – without knowing the whole story is foolish (also see Proverbs 10:19). Your restraint will ensure a better opportunity to get the whole picture (Proverbs 17:27) and ensures you can better express empathy.
- ANGER OF MAN: Restraint shows your personal discipline. Your personal discipline shows wisdom. Instead of anger, seek calmness of spirit so it cultivates wisdom to act in knowledge and peace for the benefit of all.
As I often point out, I am still a work in progress. People still drive me crazy when they don’t think exactly like me. And that’s, well, pretty much everyone and all the time. However, I am better able to think less selfishly and at least realize there are other participants in my relationships.
Nobody ever starts at the finish line. It takes a good understanding of the course, a lot of effort, and some amount of time to get there. In other words, patience and wisdom. All of that requires personal discipline.
So, when Edwards resolved to not express emotions of anger toward people he believed to be irrational, he no-doubt realized it was a monumental challenge. Perhaps that why he committed to reading through his resolutions – this one especially – every day.